USED CONDOMS

Recently, I have been used for one more time.

It doesn’t have to do if it happened on purpose or by accident.

The pain is the same. The bad feeling is strong too.

Overconfidence. I trusted someone very much; I loved him with all my heart. I though he has a special heart and mind.

HaaaaaaH. Life is a bitch.

And my reward was betrayal. I didn’t deserve this for sure, but what can I do? It happened.

As the Chinese say “you don’t have to feel sad in two cases: in the one that you can fix the things and in the other that you cannot fix them”.

But my problem is that I am not Chinese and I am not wise. I am just a common person and I have feelings. And when someone hurts me, I feel pain. And if I love him much, I feel deep pain.

Maybe you will find me exaggerated, but I feel like a condom after this. You use it and when you don’t need it anymore, you throw it to the garbage.

No one goes near to a used condom to express his sympathy. It is stayed alone and used in the basket.

I don’t like the big words and I am not a revengeful person, but I believe in universal justice. Some call this justice God. My problem is not the name of the justice, but the justice. And I believe that sooner or later, we all pay for what we do.

I don’t want to take any kind of revenge. Really I don’t, because this will not erase the fact and will not eliminate my pain.

Love is something wonderful. There is not something that anyone cane give and there is not something that anyone can appreciate.

I just want to punch his face and not to see this person again in my life.

But you know, when you give love, you cannot believe why they don’t want it. And it is more difficult to understand why you have to pay for giving love. We you have to be punished. If you cannot appreciate love, at least don’t give pain to the other.

It is like someone takes a part of my body away, using violence. And I don’t know that if the pain or the shock is stronger.

And the problem is that I was blamed. The situation turned this way, that I had to apologize.

I think that I spent energy without a reason and this situation doesn’t deserve to stay on it and spend time on it.

HOW EASY IS TO SAY BIG WORDS!

But what I took from this life lesson –“every cloud has a silver lining”- is that I will never leave anyone anymore to make me feel like used condom again.

And as my favorite Scarlett O’Hara used to say: “As God I will never trust and open my heart to anyone, from now on”.

Thank you for everything. I really appreciate you for this. I will remember it forever. J

LADIES

I hate a concrete category of women in my life: The important men’s ladies (wives, mistresses, lovers, sisters, etc.).

Actually they are unprofessional and they want to do something just to spend their time creatively.

They come to the office holding a handbag that costs your salary of one year and play the expert using the fame of the man.

After two or three days, you understand that they don’t have any idea of working, but you have to shut up and cooperate with them (or actually, to do the job for them).

Women like Susan M. is not a rare phenomenon. Powerful, strong man, benevolent woman. And suddenly, all people start to talk for her, like there was no charity before or no other people in charity field.

And the problem is when you are obliged to “incense” them and support their ego every day. It is disgusting and stressful.

And what drives you crazy is that all these ladies believe that they have a talent and they are proud of it. And if they take a price, arranged by the companies and the connections of the husband they are very proud.

Of course! If you give a prize to someone, he will be very proud of it. But some people have doubts about this. These untalented ladies, have none. They are deeply convinced that they deserve this honor.

This is really pathetic!

REAL INTERVIEWS

I am a journalist almost all my life. I love my job, but only under specific circumstances. Sometimes I think how would be the questionnaire in a real interview, if I had the ability to ask and the interviewee had really the ability and the appetite to answer truly.

Something like a confession between a person and his therapist or a believer and his pastor.

Maybe a n historian, a “serious” journalist, a political affairs journalist, a from a political party journalist, or whatever journalist have different kind of questions to ask some people, but I, I really have just some simple questions to ask some people.

Lets say that I meet the ex Greek government, George Andreas Papandreou (or GAP). I don’t have any sonorous questions to ask him.

Maybe if I was a political serious television journalist would ask him “Do you understand that you –idiot, unable, small, deficient- destroyed the COUNTRY OF THE COUNTRIES? The country that gave the civilization to the world?”

“What do you think that the future history would write for you?” or “Do you feel responsible for the situation of the country today?”

No, thanks God, I am not like them. I would like just to ask him “Do you feel good that you sold out the country?” “Do you feel good being a betrayer of these people that made you rich?” “You were stealing them all this years and now you don’t have any problem to drive them to the pauperization” “Can you sleep the night thinking that you send the police against your own patriots, against these people that all these years helped your grandfather (yes the bands, as we all know very well are composed of three and more generations of persons of the same family), your father and finally you?” “What did your father, the friend of American system and your mother, the American, was telling you when you were a child: Greece is yours, like your plastic car?”

I just want the answers to these questions. I think they are enough to understand the real character of a person.

Same think for Hosni Mubarak. “Please, Mr. Mubarak, tell me, what you were thinking when you changed the name of the Ramses station to Mubarak station? Did you hope that people would forget Ramses? Or you were sure that your name in history would have the same importance with his?” “How could you sell a country with such a history?” “Who gave you the right to bring up your children telling them that Egypt belongs to them?” “Was it so difficult to think that these people that you took from them everything, and finally send the guns and the bullets against them one day would be against you?” “Life didn’t teach you that any situation, good or bad has approximately twenty years of life? Your omnipotence last thirty. More than the usual. It was not enough for you?”

Dear Susan, I can find a reason to forgive Mubarak (it is a figure of speech, he doesn’t have any excuse) because he was the president. But you? “How did you find so much money?” “What was your job, except of first lady of Egypt?” “Why all this people have to pay you because you got married a man much older than you? This is your problem, this is not Egypt’s” “Why you think that Egypt belongs to you and your sons?” “What did you tell to your children about Egypt? This is your property?”

Unfortunately, my list of such persons doesn’t end and unfortunately I could never do these questions to them, but I believe in justice. Not the human one and this one in the course. I believe in divine justice and in universe’s justice.

The truth, even after a long long time reveals.

And as Sophocles says “Κανένα ψέμα δεν γέρασε ποτέ”.

NOT TWICE!

The first days after the Egyptian Revolution people were happy in Egypt and were waiting the situation to change.

“How are you sure that they will not trick you”, I asked my friend Foxy.

“No, Farah” he answered me “this is not possible. Everything will gonna to be ok. The elections will come and the country will rise again”.

“I wish” I answered to him. I didn’t want to hurt him. But I was sure that it will happen. Not only because I am a journalist and I know how the story goes.

In January, Egyptians has to pay with their own blood the ambition and the enormous ego of a man (Mubarak), that didn’t want to leave the power. And of course we cannot talk about love for the country or the “slaves” that was servicing the Lord. Because he was thinking that he is god, that he will never leave the power or the life on earth.

But his time came. Always the time comes. But insecure people or people that their mind overcomes the logic they don’t. His madness doesn’t permit them to think clearly.

Now, another crazy, ambitious man (Tantawy) tries to get his own way on the Egyptian nation. It is his chance and he wants to use it. Who can blame him because he wanted to be the boss all his life, but he was only the flunkey? ALL. All the world and the history.

Because a country does not belong to him. It is not his personal manor. Egypt belongs to Egyptian. And Egyptians are called one more time to pay with their own blood the personal dream of another crazy leader.

Why? Why eighteen and twenty years old young man to be killed for him? Because they are killed for his ambition. Not for the country. The country is not in danger. The danger is an old man that NOW met the opportunity of his life and he wants to take advance of it. He doesn’t want to die and unknown military. He wants to leave his print in the Egyptian and respectively to the world history.

I don’t trust them, as I didn’t trust the situation after Mubarak’s resign.

If I made an interview with him, my first two questions would be “Are you crazy, Mr. Tantawy?) “What are you going to say to the relatives of the victims? Why did they die?”

He will never leave. This is what he thinks. His ego now doesn’t leave him to see that the time will come. That the time always come. For everyone.

Egyptians and history will never forgive me. God too.

He laughs best who laughs last.

And Egyptians didn’t tell their last word yet.

سيد طنطو  أرحل

Seigneur Tantawy, DEGASE!

GOODBYE

Sometimes I think I die, now as far as I am a kind of young. And I try to reproduce the day of my funeral.

Actually, I don’t want to be buried. I think it is useless and a way for the religions to make money. I know that my family is against this, because they love me and “the burial” is for them the best sign of respect and love.

I had gifted my body to the university.

But this is not what I want to say. I imagine the scene of the café, where after the funeral, we use to take a coffee and a brandy to honor the dead.

There, erecting in my ears in these tables, I can hear every one to speak about me.

All people will try to understand why I finished my life. “She was a very active person, full of interest”. “She had her work and traveling around the world”. “You have to see her house. It was unique, a very theatrical one”. “She was so honest, so descent. She knew how to fight in life”. “She…..”. “She….”

After my life, suddenly everyone discovered my graces.

All these people that made my life difficult or hard, all these people that they didn’t hesitate to step on me in order to make a career (miserable people that they have only their visit card title to be happy in life), even closer persons.

Persons that loved me, but denied me any kind of common life (people need an kind of life to live, company, vacation, cinema, bars) not only a person that will hear him in a difficult moment.

All these persons that never thought that you need a friend, a normal one and not a confessor, they will be here.

Persons never helped me, because of the egoism and the old mentality, because they thought that I have the strongest bearing of the world and I should always be there.

All these persons that want to give me something (I don’t know what), but for their own private reasons they don’t give it to me, but keep it for later.

But as we all know, patience has limits. 

IF SOMEONE IS FRIEND OF MINE, I NEED HIS LOVE NOW. NOT HIS ADMIRATION AFTER DEATH. AND I NEED HIM ALIVE NEAR ME, NOT HIS SPIRIT.