Infinita tristesa

I am very sad these days, I feel like I walk and there’s no ground under my foot.

Life pass, things happen, but it is like I watch them behind a glass. It is like I don’t belong to this world.

I feel empty. All that things I liked until yesterday, today don’t give me any kind of pleasure. Even my emotions, my dreams, my goals they don’t make any sense to me.

I want to do nothing; I don’t have the energy to continue.

I live in a place that I try to make it my country since a year and a half now, in a house that is not my house… I do things that “they are not mine”.

I life my life and I am absent from it…

I think I lose my time; I lose my life without a reason. That the time passes and I don’t know where I am.

It’s not about trying to find myself. I don’t have any kind of these huntings anymore. I know very well who I am and what I want.

It’s just one of these days that you feel empty and aimless and you see no light in the tunnel.

I left my country to live something new, because my previous circle of life closed. I had to open a new one. A brand new circle that would permit me to hope, to create, to make new friends, to refresh my mind, to give me inspiration to write more true things, to test my powers, my ability to work in another country…

Maybe for anyone else these are not reasons to want to change your life, but for anyone the bet with himself is different.

I don’t know… I am a person that all my life I compete myself. Every bet I lose or win it is for or against me. If I do something -easy or difficult- I do it to test my own personal powers not to show to others that I am able or not.

And finally, this is what gives me the power to overcome all my problems and makes the engine start again.

Knowing my real powers, my real debility, my talents and my defects I always keep walking.

“It’s my life, it’s now or never, I ain’t gonna live forever”.

Sometimes is so hard and difficult, it makes us lose our courage, like me these days.

But, you know, finally we live only once. And it is not a choice; it is an obligation to live as we want.

I don’t live for the others. I mean I don’t live according to the way that the others choose for me. I follow my OWN path.

I live ONLY for myself.

Isn’t it GOOD LUCK?