Paying the price

Foxy asked me one day “You didn’t married, but what shall you do when you will get old?”

“I shall pay the price” answered to him. He looked me deeply in my eyes and this moment I couldn’t decode his look, his feelings, but my heart felt a deep pain.

It was like Foxy wanted to tell to me “poor you”.

Maybe because he knows or if he doesn’t, he feels what it means “pay the price”. He knows how difficult is to “pay the price” in this life.

Even me, when I say this phrase, I am not sure if I am able to pay this bloody price.

I pay the price of every decision of my life, voluntarily or involuntarily. I hate it. It is hard, difficult, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I don’t like it. But I don’t have any ability of choice.

I paid -and I still pay- a very “high” price for my independence.

Look at me, I am here, looking for a new life and you know my REAL feelings about that.

I have to pay. “Give and take” or “Take and give” if you prefer! This is a basic principal of life.

If there are persons that are not obliged to pay the price and they manage it, it is good for them. I don’t know if it really happens, but I don’t have the ability to do this.

It needs power and the question is not that I have it. The problem is that I have to find it. I am obliged to find it.

I shall be alone when I shall be 60 or 70? Yes, Foxy, I shall be alone. What shall I do?

I shall live alone. I just wish to be healthy (bodily and mentally) to serve myself.

Pray for me, Foxy, I need it. I am terrified too. When I think what you think, I stop. I don’t want to think what will happen if.

Pray for me, Foxy, I want it. I can only hope! I cannot assure myself for anything.

This is the most difficult price I have to pay, but what else can I do?

Marry? And this is a guaranty that I shall not be alone? And what will happen if my husband dies or if I get a divorce?

What will be if I get babies and their lives call them to live in America or Australia?

You, see, Foxy? There’s nothing else to do than PAY THE PRICE.

Pray for me, Foxy, please! I am afraid.

But I want to tell you something, because you are young.

Paying the price is something that makes me feel proud. It means that I am a responsible person and I have the “balls”.

Isn’t it GOOD LUCK?